Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
