Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
