what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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