Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
