This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
