Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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