toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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