Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
