Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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