I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
