did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
