her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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