if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Send help, water and tortillas.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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