we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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