She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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