I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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