Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
