Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
