Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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