The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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