Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
this just has baby written all over it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
