Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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