We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
