The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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