you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Acid is not a monday night drug
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As shirtless as possible
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you're hired as official boob wrangler
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
