she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
