Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
