This girl is more easily done than said...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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