I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
