just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
