I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
