Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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