I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
