someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Randomize
