so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
