Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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