I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
