Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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