she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
