I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
