im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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