then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
