i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
