She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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