There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
