My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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