you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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