don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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