I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just had sex bonerless
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
