just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
