We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You are a booty call, not a friend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
