i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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