Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
