We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
